I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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