I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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