She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
two words: eviction party
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
