I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
