Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
