I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
