Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
