You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
