Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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