You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
