Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
