We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
