Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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