Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
