Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dicks are not precious.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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