I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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