I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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