Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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