OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
