She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
