You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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