i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
