and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
