So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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