the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
