I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
