Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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