Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
