Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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