and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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