Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
