there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
