Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
