Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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