I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
