i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
