Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
