we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
