My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
