I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
