I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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