You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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