i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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