I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
