Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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