PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
