Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
