im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
