I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
