Please, let me fuck your mom
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
