I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
