im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Someone came in the potted fern
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
