Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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