Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
