Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
