I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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