New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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