did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
