I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize