Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
