The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
