I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
