I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
