Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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