Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
