Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
