I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That's intense
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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