All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
