So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am one with the molecules
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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