Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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