I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize