Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
