sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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