Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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