Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
