Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
