I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
