she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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