got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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