last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
