if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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