This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
