New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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